Why you should feel special and the 'Myth of Treasure'

(Originally posted 10th of November 2019 titled "The Myth of Treasure", this has been improved and modified to reflect my current perspectives on why you should feel special and not feel bad about it.)

How many times as a child were you warned not to get too full of yourself? Phrases such as "pride comes before a fall" come to mind. Inevitably you probably began to believe that you shouldn't feel special and yet it's only natural...

At around eight years old, a boy a little younger than me, his older brother and mum moved in next door, our new neighbours. One day we went around to say hello, the boys weren't in, but their mum was. I sat at the table in their kitchen and on it there were several packets of chewing gum, that I really wanted so I felt really jealous. As a child I self-soothed a lot with sweets. Sadly I was desperately in need of something and it wasn't sweets...

Me at around seven or eight years old, (not a real gun!).

Later in childhood I stole a beautiful quartz crystal from my other neighbour’s garden and from the moment I took it I felt awfully ashamed, trust me I wasn't a gangster!  I realised a couple of years ago that maybe this crystal represented feeling complete for me and I obviously felt like owning it inferred its value upon me.

Recently on the beach with my friend I was thinking about how I obsessively picked up and collected stones and shells on beaches as a child. Some of them were really beautiful but none of them perfect, I could always find another better than the last. I wanted some great treasure to redeem me, to make me suddenly the person that I wanted to be. This is 'the myth of treasure', the belief that the discovery of something of great value will complete us. I wonder if you have similar experiences?

Henry Forshaw on Swami beach California with William, thanks for the pic!

Just yesterday I read some newspaper articles claiming that special commemorative 50p coins that the Royal Mint produced in small numbers were selling for ridiculous amounts on Ebay. For a short time, while I believed that I had a coin worth 1200x its face value I was buzzing, I felt great, reassured and vindicated. I naively believed the newspapers until I did an Ebay search for the coin the article claimed was worth £600, it was mostly selling for £1.50 or less. Of course these were ‘click bait’ articles, I am sure they knew that the same coins that were advertised by some on Ebay for ridiculous amounts, were also for sale by others for nominal amounts. The 'myth of treasure' alluded me once again!

The leader of a men’s work group I follow recently posted a video in which he spoke about how nobody’s special and that it was foolish for young professionals to think they are special and to quit their jobs disillusioned and play victim because they expected that their job would be really meaningful. I resisted the urge to argue with him about it because I had said to my cousin just a couple of days before that we’re not special. I was talking to him about the relationship between grandiosity and depression, when we’re depressed we feel that we aren’t good enough and when we’re grandiose we think that we are better than others, of course you can have both at the same time! Grandiosity is a superiority complex, a defence mechanism, it doesn’t provide security or self-esteem. We’re not special in the sense of being better than others, however, we are unique.

Believing that you're special isn't necessarily "ego".

I don’t think the men's work leader was fully acknowledging and allowing for others' need to have more meaningful lives.  I think we need meaningful lives and without them we are deprived and that sometimes people really don't see a way forward in their lives. I have nothing against this despairing idealistic attitude of wanting to be special, to have a super meaningful life. That's only natural. There's a balance between understanding and sympathising with someone who is playing victim and telling them to pull themselves together. I think we need to be understanding and empathic before giving our judgement and the cold hard truth. Many people are looking for a chance to be special and yes many are looking to be grandiose, (superior to others) and that’s OK, I understand that, but we really all just want to fulfil our potential.

I expect some people may be thinking:

"But I don't feel like it's right to feel special, I want to be humble."

If you feel like you don't deserve to feel good or shouldn't think of yourself as special, consider that to you, you are that little bit more special than everyone else, this is healthy self-esteem. Afterall you know yourself really well, you've spent a quite literally a lifetime with yourself, how can others compete with that!? It’s healthy to love yourself this much, even if society self-righteously judges that you’ve done nothing and you're no one. You are valuable and capable. Those rocks you picked up, cards or coins you collected, they are mirrors of your love for yourself, each of them is special and that’s why you chose them. You enjoy the beauty, use and feel of special objects because they mirror your nature and those you love. There’s no need to be shy about it, you are special and the myth of material treasure being a way to complete you is like grains of sand slipping through your hands, you are the real treasure and your self-love is the answer.

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Pebbles on a beach offer the possibility of taking home treasure and experiencing the myth of treasure.